i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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