Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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