I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
