i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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