Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
