it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
