he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
