Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
