I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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