I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
