my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize