An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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