I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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