i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
