I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
