The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
