Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
