Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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