I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
