Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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