If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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