Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
