He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
