I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
