if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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