It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
