So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
