youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
