I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
