nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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