His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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