Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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