well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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