Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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