My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
