I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
