angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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