So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
