i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
