I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
