as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
