I am spending my child support on dildos
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
