sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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