Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
