Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
