i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
