OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
