How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
