you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
