His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
