You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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