I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
