Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
