Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
