so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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