we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
