i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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