We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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