I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
