Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We were destined to go to rehab together
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
