Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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