I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
