there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
