I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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