DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
