walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The struggles of a small town man whore
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
