lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
