Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
