He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
