I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
